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Who really said it

If a man should importune me to give a reason why I loved him, I find it could no otherwise be expressed, than by making answer, because it was he, because it was I

Written by Michel de Montaigne
Attribution status: Verified Reuse status: Free to reuse

Genuine, and traceable to the page. The sentence comes from Montaigne’s essay Of Friendship (Essais, Book I, first published 1580), where he is writing about his dead friend Étienne de La Boétie. This exact English wording is Charles Cotton’s translation as revised by William Carew Hazlitt — confirmed word for word in the 1877 text at Project Gutenberg ↗.

Last verified 7 Aug 2026 · how we verify · spot an error?

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“If a man should importune me to give a reason why I loved him, I find it could no otherwise be expressed, than by making answer, because it was he, because it was I” Michel de Montaigne, "Of Friendship," Essais, Book I (1580). English from the Charles Cotton translation, revised by William Carew Hazlitt, 1877 — chapter XXVII. Verified at Project Gutenberg.

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In context

Evoking the world of Michel de Montaigne — French essayist, magistrate and mayor of Bordeaux. Theme: "If a man should importune me to give a reason why I loved him, I find it could no otherwise be expressed, than by making answer, because it was he, because it was I". Atmospheric and restrained, cinematic directional light, a muted period-appropriate palette, fine grain and texture. Compose with generous empty space for the quote and a small credit line. No lettering in the image itself.

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Provenance

Where the line actually appears

Work
Essais, Book I — “Of Friendship”
First published
1580, in French, as “De l’amitié”
Translation
Charles Cotton (1685), revised by William Carew Hazlitt (1877)
Chapter
Printed as XXVII in the Cotton–Hazlitt edition; numbered 28 in modern French editions

But in the friendship I speak of, they mix and work themselves into one piece, with so universal a mixture, that there is no more sign of the seam by which they were first conjoined. If a man should importune me to give a reason why I loved him, I find it could no otherwise be expressed, than by making answer: because it was he, because it was I. There is, beyond all that I am able to say, I know not what inexplicable and fated power that brought on this union. Of Friendship, 1580

Transcribed from the Cotton translation edited by William Carew Hazlitt, chapter XXVII, “Of Friendship.” The “him” is Étienne de La Boétie, who had been dead since 1563 when Montaigne wrote this.

De l’amitié — the French original at Wikisource

How the wording travelled

Public domain

Everything in play here is long out of copyright in the United States. The French Essais first appeared in 1580, Florio’s English translation in 1603, and the Charles Cotton translation quoted above in the revision edited by William Carew Hazlitt in 1877 — all far earlier than the 1931 threshold, which is why the full text is freely readable at Project Gutenberg ↗. Note that modern twentieth-century translations of the same sentence are not public domain; the wording on this page is the pre-1931 one.

Rights status is our research, not legal advice — and copyright varies by country and edition. For commercial or published use, confirm with the rightsholder. See terms.

Fact-check

What actually goes wrong with this one

The authorship is not in doubt — this really is Montaigne. What goes wrong is everything downstream of that: quote sites strip the work, the chapter and the translator, then print whichever of four competing English versions they happened to copy, all under the same bare byline.

Sourcing“Michel de Montaigne” and nothing else no work cited

The Goodreads entry ↗ for this line names no book, no chapter and no translator — and prints a further variant again (“If any one should importune me… inexplicable and inevitable power”) rather than the Cotton–Hazlitt text.

WordingCotton’s English, presented as Montaigne’s own phrasing translation, not original

Montaigne wrote in French: “Si on me presse de dire pourquoy je l’aymois… Par ce que c’estoit luy ; par ce que c’estoit moy” ↗. The word “importune” is a translator’s choice, not Montaigne’s.

WordingJohn Florio’s 1603 version, run under the same byline rival translation

BrainyQuote ↗ carries “If a man urge me to tell wherefore I loved him… because it was myself” with no translator named — that phrasing traces to Florio’s 1603 English ↗, a different translation entirely.

Chapter“Book I, chapter 28” versus “chapter XXVII” both are right

The Cotton–Hazlitt edition prints it as CHAPTER XXVII, “Of Friendship” ↗, matching Wikipedia’s chapter list ↗; modern French editions and Wikiquote ↗ number the same essay 28. Neither citation is an error.

Montaigne wrote it, in French, in Of Friendship, about Étienne de La Boétie — and the English everyone quotes is Charles Cotton’s, as revised by William Carew Hazlitt, readable in full at Project Gutenberg ↗.

Context

Four years, and the rest was smoke

Montaigne is not writing an aphorism about friendship in general. He is writing about one person: Étienne de La Boétie, a fellow magistrate at the Bordeaux Parlement who died in 1563. The essay says the two men had somehow recognised each other before they ever met — “We sought one another long before we met” — and that after his friend’s death, weighed against “the four years I had the happiness to enjoy the sweet society of this excellent man,” the whole of the rest of his comfortable life was “nothing but smoke, an obscure and tedious night.”

The famous line is what he reaches for when analysis fails him. He has just described two souls mixed so completely that there is “no more sign of the seam by which they were first conjoined,” and the sentence immediately after the quote admits defeat outright: “There is, beyond all that I am able to say, I know not what inexplicable and fated power that brought on this union.” The line is a shrug, not a maxim — which is exactly why it survives being pulled out of context better than most.

because it was he, because it was I

Why the wording changes from site to site

Montaigne wrote in French. Every English version you have ever seen of this line is somebody’s translation, and the choices differ sharply. John Florio’s 1603 rendering — the one Shakespeare’s generation read — gives “If a man urge me to tell wherefore I loved him, I feele it can not be expressed, but by answering; Because it was he, because it was my selfe.”

The wording asked about here is the Charles Cotton line as revised by William Carew Hazlitt, which is the version that dominates the internet because it is the one Project Gutenberg digitised. Shorter modern renderings — “If you press me to say why I loved him…” — are different translations again. None of them is wrong; they are just not interchangeable, and quote sites almost never say which one they are printing.

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About the author

The man who invented the essay

Michel de Montaigne

1533–1592 · French essayist, magistrate and mayor of Bordeaux

Michel de Montaigne (28 February 1533 – 13 September 1592) was a French magistrate who retired to his tower library and, by writing down whatever crossed his mind, more or less invented the personal essay. His Essais first appeared in 1580 and he kept expanding them until his death; Wikipedia notes ↗ that in his own lifetime he was admired more as a statesman — he served in the Bordeaux Parlement and as the city’s mayor — than as an author. The friendship recorded in this quote was with Étienne de La Boétie, a fellow magistrate three years his senior who died in 1563.

For writers & researchers

Cite this

Chicago

Michel de Montaigne, “Of Friendship,” chap. 27 in Essays of Michel de Montaigne, Volume 6, trans. Charles Cotton, ed. William Carew Hazlitt (1877). First published in French as “De l’amitié,” Essais, Book I (1580).

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Quotle.info. “Who really said ‘If a man should importune me to give a reason why I loved him, I find it could no otherwise be expressed, than by making answer, because it was he, because it was I’?” Last verified 7 Aug 2026. https://quotle.info/who-said/if-a-man-should-importune-me-to-give-a-reason-why-i-loved/

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