The comparison began as an anonymous barber-shop joke. It was printed in July 1924 as “your head feels just like my wife’s cheek,” and the earliest named person is S. H. Hale, who told it about a barber who worked for him. Adams’s name was attached only in a privately printed 1934 joke book. There he says a cruder version as the heckler, and Marc Connelly gets the comeback (Quote Investigator ↗).
“Your Bald Head Feels as Smooth as My Wife's Cheek” Not Franklin P. Adams. An anonymous barber-shop joke, printed in the Roswell Daily Record on July 12, 1924 as “your head feels just like my wife’s cheek.” A 1934 joke book cast Adams as the heckler, not the wit. — Quotle.info · Verbatim: “Don't you know, your head feels just like my wife's cheek.”
Can you use it?
? We couldn’t verify where this wording comes from, so there’s no rights status to give. Safe to present as an unverified or anonymous line — just don’t assert a specific author or source.
Image direction — grounded in this quote’s real context; paste into your image tool
In context
Evoking the themes of kindness and love. Theme: "Your Bald Head Feels as Smooth as My Wife's Cheek". Atmospheric and restrained, cinematic directional light, a muted period-appropriate palette, fine grain and texture. Compose with generous empty space for the quote and a small credit line. No lettering in the image itself.
Minimalist
Minimalist editorial slide for the quote "Your Bald Head Feels as Smooth as My Wife's Cheek". Clean background, a single muted accent color, generous negative space, subtle paper or linen texture, no literal illustration — let the words carry it. Reserve clear space for a serif quote and a small credit line. No lettering in the image itself.
Provenance
The earliest printed version
Earliest print found
Roswell Daily Record (Roswell, New Mexico)
Date
July 12, 1924, page 4 (“Local Snap Shots”)
Teller
S. H. Hale, about a barber who had worked for him
Adams version
Anecdota Americana: Second Series (1934), p. 85
S. H. Hale tells this one on a fresh young barber he had working for him several years ago. This particular barber thought he would kid a bald-headed man. “Don’t you know,” he said, rubbing the bald spot, “your head feels just like my wife’s cheek”. The customer reached up and stroked his head for a moment and then said: “By golly it does, doesn’t it.”
Text as transcribed by Quote Investigator. The neat wording “Your bald head feels as smooth as my wife’s cheek” is the title of Quote Investigator’s article, not a line from any period source.
July 1924: the Roswell Daily Record prints S. H. Hale’s story of a barber who tells a bald customer “your head feels just like my wife’s cheek.” It is the earliest version Quote Investigator found ↗.
1934: the privately printed Anecdota Americana: Second Series has Franklin P. Adams put his hand on Mark [sic] Connelly’s head and make a cruder comparison. Connelly answers, “By God, Frank, so it does” (Quote Investigator ↗).
1968: Stewart Alsop’s The Center gives the comeback to Nicholas Longworth. Jane Grant’s memoir, also from 1968, gives it to Connelly at Tony’s (Quote Investigator ↗).
2015: on the American Dialect Society list, Garson O’Toole notes that the standard reference books’ earliest citations were from 1975 and 1976. He then announces the new entry, whose citations begin in 1924 (ADS-L ↗).
The popular wording comes from no identifiable work, so no rights status is claimed for it. The earliest printed form, an anonymous 1924 newspaper item, was published before 1931. The Adams version comes from a privately printed 1934 joke book.
Rights status is our research, not legal advice — and copyright varies by country and edition. For commercial or published use, confirm with the rightsholder. See terms.
Fact-check
Who gets the credit, and why
This joke has been told about several bald men and their hecklers. Franklin P. Adams appears in it only as the heckler in one bawdy 1934 retelling. Quote Investigator found no version in which Adams delivers the punchline.
✕
Popular creditFranklin P. Adams Wrong role
His name appears only in the privately printed Anecdota Americana: Second Series (1934). There he is the man who rubs Connelly’s head and makes the crude comparison. He is the butt of the joke, not its wit, and that is ten years after the barber-shop version was in print (Quote Investigator ↗).
✕
The comebackMarc Connelly Punchline, probably
Quote Investigator believes Connelly probably did deliver the punchline (“so it does”) at some point, perhaps re-enacting an existing joke. It also allows that the story may simply have been pinned on a witty bald man. Either way, the line about the wife belongs to the heckler, not to Connelly (Quote Investigator ↗).
✕
The comebackNicholas Longworth Weak, late
He was first linked to the story in Stewart Alsop’s 1968 book, decades after his death in 1931. The barber-shop version had been printed before he became Speaker (Quote Investigator ↗).
~
Earliest nameS. H. Hale Teller, not author
The 1924 newspaper item credits Hale with telling the story about a barber who worked for him. Neither man is named as the author of the joke (Quote Investigator ↗).
✓The line began as an anonymous barber-shop joke, printed in July 1924 as “your head feels just like my wife’s cheek.” Franklin P. Adams was written into a cruder 1934 version as the heckler (Quote Investigator ↗).
Context
Why the wording keeps changing
Quote Investigator calls the early evidence fragmentary and probably cleaned up. Newspapers in the 1920s printed “my wife’s cheek,” a double meaning a family paper could get away with. Papers in the 1950s used “my wife’s leg,” and later books printed “bottom,” “behind” and “backside.” In the printed record Quote Investigator found, the cruder word first appears in a privately printed 1934 collection.
The Algonquin Round Table versions attach the story to famous names. Adams and Connelly were both charter members of the group, which lunched at the Algonquin Hotel from 1919 until roughly 1929, according to Wikipedia ↗. Even in those versions, the wit is the bald man who answers, not the man who makes the comparison.
By golly it does, doesn’t it.
Explore
Filed under
More provenance-checked quotes on the same theme, each with its reuse status.
You’re skipping our source pages — these links now open the source directly. Show them again
The true origin
Who made the joke
AN
Anonymous
American folk joke · in print by 1924
No author is known. The earliest printed version Quote Investigator found, in the Roswell Daily Record of July 12, 1924, gives the line to a “fresh young barber” teasing a bald customer, in a story told by S. H. Hale. Over the following decades the joke was retold about Algonquin Round Table wits, including Marc Connelly and Franklin P. Adams, and about House Speaker Nicholas Longworth.
For writers & researchers
Cite this
Earliest version found by Quote Investigator
“Local Snap Shots,” Roswell Daily Record (Roswell, NM), July 12, 1924, 4. Adams–Connelly version: J. Mortimer Hall, Anecdota Americana: Second Series (Boston: Humphrey Adams, 1934), 85. Both cited in Quote Investigator, “Your Bald Head Feels as Smooth as My Wife’s Cheek,” March 28, 2015.
This verification page
Quotle.info. “Who really said ‘Your Bald Head Feels as Smooth as My Wife's Cheek’?” Last verified 1 Nov 2026. https://quotle.info/who-said/your-bald-head-feels-as-smooth-as-my-wifes-cheek/