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Who really said it

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'

Not quite — Lewis wrote “one man”, and the ending is from another sentence C.S. Lewis 1898–1963 · Oxford and Cambridge literary scholar, novelist and Christian apologist
Disputed as worded — the book and chapter are certain, the sentence is spliced from two of his In copyright

The thought and the words are Lewis’s, from chapter IV of The Four Loves (1960), the chapter on Friendship. Wikiquote’s sourced section carries two sentences from that chapter. The first: “Friendship arises out of mere companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share… The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, ‘What? You too? I thought I was the only one.’” The second, later in the same chapter, is Lewis recapping himself: “Friendship, I have said, is born at the moment when one man says to another ‘What! You too? I thought that no one but myself…’” The version people quote is the recap’s opening welded to the first sentence’s punchline — which is to say it finishes Lewis’s own trailing ellipsis with Lewis’s own words, and changes “one man” to “one person”. We keep a separate page for the sentence as Lewis wrote it, which is verified.

Last verified 27 Sep 2026 · how we verify · spot an error?

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Disputed wording — copy with the correction

“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'” C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves (1960), chapter IV. Lewis’s own sentences read: "The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, ‘What? You too? I thought I was the only one.’" and, later in the same chapter, "Friendship, I have said, is born at the moment when one man says to another ‘What! You too? I thought that no one but myself…’" The familiar one-sentence version joins the two and modernises "one man" to "one person". Via Quotle.info

Can you use it?

Still under copyright (rights held by The C. S. Lewis estate and its publishers). A short, credited quote is generally fine for talks, teaching, and internal decks; for commercial, published, or large-scale reuse, get permission.

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In context

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Minimalist

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Provenance

The source

Work
The Four Loves
First published
1960, by Geoffrey Bles in London; developed from a set of radio talks Lewis recorded in 1958
Chapter
Ch. IV, “Friendship” — the third of the four loves, philia
Rights
In copyright — first published 1960

Friendship arises out of mere companionship when two or more of the companions discover that they have in common some insight or interest or even taste which the others do not share and which, till that moment, each believed to be his own unique treasure (or burden). The typical expression of opening Friendship would be something like, “What? You too? I thought I was the only one.”

As transcribed in Wikiquote’s sourced section for The Four Loves ↗, attributed there to chapter IV. Note the two things the popular version loses: Lewis does not say friendship is this moment, he says the moment is its “typical expression” — and his subject is a shared “treasure (or burden)”, which makes the recognition a relief rather than a coincidence.

Wikiquote — The Four Loves, sourced quotations by chapter

How we verified this

  • The sentence people quote is Lewis’s own recap, which appears later in the same chapter: “Friendship, I have said, is born at the moment when one man says to another ‘What! You too? I thought that no one but myself…’” The trailing ellipsis is Lewis’s, not an editor’s — both sentences are transcribed on Wikiquote ↗.
  • The two changes. “One man” became “one person” somewhere in the retelling, and the open ellipsis was closed with the phrasing from Lewis’s earlier sentence, “I thought I was the only one.” Both halves are his, from the same chapter; the join is not.
  • The book. The Four Loves was published in 1960 and grew out of radio talks Lewis recorded in 1958, working through the Greek terms storge, philia, eros and agape in that order — Wikipedia’s article on the book ↗.
  • What could not be checked. The book is in copyright: the 1960 Harcourt, Brace American edition is on the Internet Archive as a borrow-only scan, and its text is not downloadable, so this page rests on Wikiquote’s sourced transcription rather than on a page image read here — the catalogue record ↗.
In copyright

The Four Loves was first published in 1960, three decades after the 1930 cut-off for the United States public domain, so it remains in copyright and will for some time. Quoting the sentence with attribution is ordinary fair use; reproducing the surrounding passage, printing it on something for sale, or using it in an advertisement is not. Lewis died in 1963 and his work is administered by his estate together with its publishers.

Rights status is our research, not legal advice — and copyright varies by country and edition. For commercial or published use, confirm with the rightsholder. See terms.

Fact-check

Right author, adjusted words

Nobody is falsely credited here — the sentence really is Lewis’s, from a book he wrote. What has drifted is the wording, and two of the changes are worth knowing about.

“one person” for “one man” wording drift

Lewis wrote “when one man says to another”. The modernised “one person” is an improvement on his 1960 idiom and changes nothing he meant, but it is not what is on the page — compare Wikiquote’s transcription ↗.

“I thought I was the only one” genuine, not the origin

In the sentence that begins “Friendship… is born at the moment”, Lewis trails off: “I thought that no one but myself…” The familiar ending comes from his earlier sentence in the same chapter. Using it to close the ellipsis is faithful to his sense — but it is a join made by quoters, not by Lewis.

Friendship is that moment paraphrase

Lewis’s more careful formulation is that the moment is Friendship’s “typical expression”, and that friendship “arises out of mere companionship” when companions find a shared treasure or burden. The popular version turns a description of how friendship begins into a definition of what it is.

The honest summary: this is C.S. Lewis, from chapter IV of The Four Loves (1960), in a tidied and spliced form built entirely out of his own words. Both source sentences are on Wikiquote ↗, and quotle.info has a separate page for the wording Lewis actually wrote.

Context

Why it mattered

Lewis was writing against a culture that had quietly demoted friendship. Wikipedia’s account of the book has him observing that to the ancients friendship “seemed the happiest and most fully human of all loves; the crown of life and the school of virtue”, and lamenting that modern society has largely neglected it — see the article ↗. The “What! You too?” moment is his evidence: friendship starts not with attraction or duty but with the discovery that something you assumed was yours alone is shared.

The detail the popular version drops is the most Lewis-like part of it. He does not say the companions discover a shared interest; he says a shared “treasure (or burden)”. Friendship, on his account, can just as easily begin with a confession as with an enthusiasm — and that is why the line lands on anyone who has ever felt like the only one.

What Lewis wrote was "one man". What he meant was anyone who had been carrying something alone.

Read the full story

The Four Loves began as radio talks recorded in 1958 and was published as a book in 1960. It works through four Greek words in order: storge, the affection of family; philia, friendship; eros, romantic love; and agape, the love Lewis calls charity. Friendship gets the third chapter and, notably, the longest defence, because it is the one Lewis thought needed defending.

Lewis knew the subject from the inside. He was a central member of the Inklings, the Oxford circle in which he, J.R.R. Tolkien and others read each other work in progress — the practical demonstration of the argument the chapter makes.

Explore

Filed under

More provenance-checked quotes on the same theme, each with its reuse status.

Friendship Love Wisdom

Go further

Dig deeper

Trusted places to keep pulling the thread — primary archives, fact-checks, and scholarship. We show how we used each one before you leave.

C. S. Lewis — sourced quotationsen.wikiquote.org

The sourced section for The Four Loves (1960), with both of the sentences discussed on this page attributed to chapter IV.
The Four Lovesen.wikipedia.org

Publication history: 1960, Geoffrey Bles, developed from radio talks recorded in 1958, and the storge/philia/eros/agape structure.
The Four Loves (1960 Harcourt, Brace edition)archive.org

The first American edition as a borrow-only scan. In copyright, so the full text is not downloadable.
C. S. Lewisen.wikipedia.org

Biography: born Belfast 1898, died Oxford 1963, Magdalen College Oxford then the Cambridge chair in Medieval and Renaissance Literature.
C. S. Lewis — all sourced quotationsen.wikiquote.org

The full Wikiquote page, including its Misattributed section — useful, because a great deal of what circulates under his name is not his.

The author

About C.S. Lewis

C.S. Lewis

1898–1963 · Irish-born British literary scholar, novelist and Christian apologist

Clive Staples Lewis was born in Belfast in 1898 and spent his working life teaching English literature: nearly thirty years as a fellow and tutor at Magdalen College, Oxford, then the new chair in Medieval and Renaissance Literature at Cambridge from 1954 until his death in 1963. He wrote in three registers at once — scholarship (The Allegory of Love), children’s fiction (The Chronicles of Narnia) and popular theology (Mere Christianity, The Screwtape Letters) — and was a central member of the Inklings, the Oxford writing circle that also gave Tolkien his first readers. The Four Loves, from 1960, is his late attempt to say precisely what people mean by the word love.

For writers & researchers

Cite this

How to cite this page

C. S. Lewis, The Four Loves (London: Geoffrey Bles, 1960), ch. IV, “Friendship.” Wording as transcribed in Wikiquote’s sourced section, en.wikiquote.org ↗; the book is in copyright and the Internet Archive scan of the 1960 Harcourt, Brace American edition is borrow-only ↗, so no page image was read for this entry. Publication history per Wikipedia ↗.

This verification page

Quotle.info. “Who really said ‘Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one.'’?” Last verified 27 Sep 2026. https://quotle.info/who-said/friendship-is-born-at-that-moment-when-one-person-says-to/

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